Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
