I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
