I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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