What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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