just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize