this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
