I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
