Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
