I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
