ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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