you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
