Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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