The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
