Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize