I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize