I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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