Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
