Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
