I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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