I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
