Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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