No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
birth control should be required to get into college
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
