He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
