i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
