Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
