Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
