You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize