he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
