We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize