We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Randomize