I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
