Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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