Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
