Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
