Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
