i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
