So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
