I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
