So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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