I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
