i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
