oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
