AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
