I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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