it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
