a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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