if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
