I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
