Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
