Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
