we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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