Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
