Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
