we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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