He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
