Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
