I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
