I got chris browned last night
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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