My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
