Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
