i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
