She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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