FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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