she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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