Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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