On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
MIDGETS
????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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