if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
