We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
