hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
