never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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