I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
