So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
