i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
