just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
