you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
