Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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