that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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