Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
