im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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